When we clearly make mistakes to our friends, apologizing is a must. It helps settling the dispute and maintaining our friendships. However, there are times that a serious talk is much more needed, and times when an apology could make everything worse. Here are situations when you should not apologize just like that:
1. Apologizing as a mean to get out of an argument
If you and your friend are facing a conflict, perhaps you choose to apologize in a hope that the conflict would over quickly. However, an instant apologizing without really addressing the issue can create an unbalanced relationship.
2. Apologizing in a hope of receiving an apology back
After an argument, often someone starts the next conversation by apologizing, in a hope that his or her friend will take the hint and apologize back. However, if the said friend misunderstands this ‘apology,’ he or she will likely to take that apology for granted, and the real issue is never addressed completely. This can create a new dispute, as the first person apologizing may feel hurt even more. If a discussion is needed, rather than starting with an apology, say something like “I couldn’t feel okay after what had happened yesterday. Can we meet somewhere and talk?” It is better than starting with “I’m sorry what happened yesterday,” while the real problem is not addressed yet.
3. Apologizing without really paying attention on your friend’s feelings
Very often, an apology becomes watered down when we throw it casually without really addressing the underlying problems. For example, when you have hurt your friend’s feelings about something, it is better to say “I’m sorry for neglecting you so long, while I though everything is fine. I don’t want you to continue feeling bad.” It is better than just say “I’m sorry you feel that way.” In fact, do not apologize about something quickly before you really understand what has caused the dispute, and involve what you have found when you are probing the problems.
